Paula Adul + Vicodin = Spastic Revelations
Dear Ms. Abdul,
I feel like my early 90's idols are falling like dominoes. I saw you in an interview on channel 13 in Seattle and while you deny it...I know that glazed-over look and stupid smile anywhere. You are TOTALLY high.
I'm not judging you. If I had to talk to the anchors at channel 13 in Seattle, I'd want to have a good buzz going on too, but c'mon, to deny it is ludicrous. It's obvious what is going on... even to someone who has never done drugs (not me). In fact, I bet most 5th graders would point you out to their DARE officer as a potential threat or a "stranger danger."
At first, I was disappointed, but then I became more sympathetic as I started to trace your career in my head. In your heyday, you were a huge star. With songs like "Opposites Attract" and my personal fave, "Rush, Rush." you were at the top of the charts. By the way, the video for "Cold Hearted Slave" was really naughty. Don't get me wrong, I loved it, but I changed the channel whenever my parents came in the room. To a nine year-old, that video was hardcore porn. You were pretty, a great dancer and had catchy songs. I wanted your life.
You then went on to marry the man I wanted to marry. Emilio Estevez. I was SO HEARTBROKEN when you stole him out of the "available" queue of my heart. I figured you deserved him though, he was pretty fucking sexy.
So, what happened?
Now you are a judge on a TV show where you routinely see more talented individuals than yourself strut their stuff and eventually become even bigger sensations than you ever were. That's gotta suck. Even on the audition show last night you were almost never shown on screen since whenever you were you acted like you'd taken one too many muscle relaxants. Also, aren't you supposed to be the "nice" judge? You're getting just as jaded as Simon. Maybe you are just a mean drunk. Maybe that's it.
Anyway, I don't know what your excuse is, whether you are still relying on the old story of how you got an infection from getting a pedicure or maybe Emilio keeps calling you late at night, begging you to watch "Bobby" with him...whatever it is...get your act together or I'll tell Tom Sizemore you think he's like, totally hot.
Your fan,
Sarah
I feel like my early 90's idols are falling like dominoes. I saw you in an interview on channel 13 in Seattle and while you deny it...I know that glazed-over look and stupid smile anywhere. You are TOTALLY high.
I'm not judging you. If I had to talk to the anchors at channel 13 in Seattle, I'd want to have a good buzz going on too, but c'mon, to deny it is ludicrous. It's obvious what is going on... even to someone who has never done drugs (not me). In fact, I bet most 5th graders would point you out to their DARE officer as a potential threat or a "stranger danger."
At first, I was disappointed, but then I became more sympathetic as I started to trace your career in my head. In your heyday, you were a huge star. With songs like "Opposites Attract" and my personal fave, "Rush, Rush." you were at the top of the charts. By the way, the video for "Cold Hearted Slave" was really naughty. Don't get me wrong, I loved it, but I changed the channel whenever my parents came in the room. To a nine year-old, that video was hardcore porn. You were pretty, a great dancer and had catchy songs. I wanted your life.
You then went on to marry the man I wanted to marry. Emilio Estevez. I was SO HEARTBROKEN when you stole him out of the "available" queue of my heart. I figured you deserved him though, he was pretty fucking sexy.
So, what happened?
Now you are a judge on a TV show where you routinely see more talented individuals than yourself strut their stuff and eventually become even bigger sensations than you ever were. That's gotta suck. Even on the audition show last night you were almost never shown on screen since whenever you were you acted like you'd taken one too many muscle relaxants. Also, aren't you supposed to be the "nice" judge? You're getting just as jaded as Simon. Maybe you are just a mean drunk. Maybe that's it.
Anyway, I don't know what your excuse is, whether you are still relying on the old story of how you got an infection from getting a pedicure or maybe Emilio keeps calling you late at night, begging you to watch "Bobby" with him...whatever it is...get your act together or I'll tell Tom Sizemore you think he's like, totally hot.
Your fan,
Sarah
posted by Skillz at
10:43 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home