Open Letter to Tom Sizemore (sprinkled with some crack)

Dear Mr. Sizemore,

First, no need to worry. I'm not trying to sue you for putting a video of us fucking up on the internet. I am simply someone who has enjoyed your past work and is now astonished at what you have done to yourself.

What happened to Milo, the lovable greaser from "Hearts and Souls?" You were so cute when you were allowed to be around children. I just don't get it. Who did this to you? Well, really, you can't blame anyone. You did this to yourself.
I really think there has been no better time to "Walk Like a Man" and face your demons.

My friend and I were discussing you the other night. I told her about the website. Yeah, so not impressed. You claim to have slept with Paris Hilton. Is that a challenge or something? You could lay that bitch simply by waving something sparkly in front of her face. Way to go!

So really, what lead to your downfall? Was it Heidi Fleiss? You really shouldn't hit girls. They may look innocent and harmless and like they might crumble in the corner but really, the minute you touch a girl like that, they turn into Satan and will do whatever they can to destroy you.
It's in our genes. I wish someone had told you that.

I'm surprised women get within 10 feet of you, I mean....look at yourself!

You are the reason Mace exists! You look like you are threatening to strangle someone. Uh-huh. If I met you in a dark alley I'd shit myself and then attack.

In short, pull yourself together, man! Stop using a prosthetic penis to fix your drug tests, start reading the bible or SOMETHING and for the love of all that is holy, stop having sex. The chances a child is being created with your tainted seed is more than this universe can take.

Your fan,

Sarah

An open letter (with a shoeprint) to Kevin Spacey

Not that anyone reads this but Jen and I, but about 4 years ago I wrote a fan letter to Kevin Spacey. I poured my heart out (in a non-stalker-esque way) and made like, 3 drafts before sending the amazingness that was the final copy. I waited patiently for a response, a phone call, a sign. Instead, 3 months later, I received my letter returned, unopened, with a shoeprint on it. This is my rebuttal.

Dear Mr. Spacey,

Since tears have been shed and mascara was smeared, I am now ready to write to you again in the hopes I will get some kind of response to the adoring letter I sent to you before, to no avail. The shoeprint only added a twist of the knife. Maybe you confused me with one of your freaky fans. I don't collect shoeprints.

I'm still not sure exactly what drew me into the World 'o' Spacey. I'd like to think it wasn't your turn as Verbal Kint or your masochistic character in "Swimming with Sharks." Although, I did find your intimidation tactics to be of the highest quality.

It must have been "L.A. Confidential" I loved the ladies man thing and the fact you still looked calm, cool and collected even after being shot in the head. Fuck, you even died with a smile on your face. What could possibly be cooler than that?

No, I believe what really pulled me in was "A Bug's Life." Hopper was hilarious and no one's voice could have done him better justice than yours.
I even have a stuffed animal Hopper. It seems kind of pervy to say that now....oh well.
The fact you would do a children's movie somewhat calmed down my previous notion that you were living out the darkest corners of your mind on camera and could very possibly, fake a limp, do a bunch of cocaine and threaten my life because I gave you Equal instead of Sweet 'n' Low.

No, you definitely have a softer side, which you showed in "The Ref, and "The Shipping News."

However, I do somewhat take issue with the movie "Pay It Forward." You'll probably wanna stop reading here if you can't take criticism, but I have to say, that movie was a cheap shot. First, you look like Mel in "The Man Without a Face." Yeah, it's been done. Second, you played second fiddle to the "Sixth Sense" kid. NO ONE wants to be in that position. Although, I did quite like the fact that he died in the movie. Did you write that scene in? Also, how the hell does Jon Bon Jovi get cast as an alcoholic dickhead?
I digress.
Lastly, I cried during that movie, Kevin. Not because I was touched by the sentiment, I'm nowhere NEAR letting some homeless drug addict sleep in my garage, but because I was worried for your career.

Kevin, Don't scare me like that again.

Finally, where are you anyway? I haven't heard anything about you or your gayness or your love for your mom in quite some time. I still have love for you, Mr. Spacey. Just please don't sing, dance or direct anymore movies and your life will be fine.

I'd still do you...even if you do like boys.

Write back!

Sarah

Blaze of Glory Video

First Entry - Bon Jovi's HOTT ass

Welcome to Suitcase of Memories!

I'd like to begin this journal with a briefing on what was, perhaps, the best concert I've been to thus far.
Who: Bon Jovi
When: Monday, March 6th, 2006
Where: Key Arena, Seattle
Companion: Jen, my partner in crime.

OH. MY. GOD.


I am surprised at just how much I enjoyed it. Jen is a HUGE fan and asked if I wanted to go back in October, when she was able to get pre-sale tickets. I'm always down for a concert so I told her I'd go with her. We got there pretty early and the opening band sucked. I felt like I was going to fall asleep cause I was tired and bored, but then Bon Jovi came on.
As the lights went up, who is standing on a platform about 10 rows down from us? Yep, Jon Bon fucking Jovi. He sang a song from the new album and then started in on "You Give Love a Bad Name" before heading back to the real stage. It was great. I also found out I know the lyrics to tons of Bon Jovi songs! I knew "Bad Medicine" by heart and had no idea. It was nuts.

The best part of the night, just because I thought it was funny, was when the band started playing a song and I turned to Jen and said "Holy shit! Is this "Blaze of Glory?" She was in denial. "No, it's "Wanted Dead or Alive." We argued (in a friendly way) until Jon, who was again in the audience, started in on the lyrics for "Blaze of Glory." I almost needed a diaper. Not only was Jon hot as fuck, but he sounded great AND he was so gracious to his fans. I will ALWAYS (haha) remember this concert as fantastic and will go see them again at my next opportunity.


I've always said I was supposed to be a teenager in the 80's and this just solidified my theory. I felt like it was 1986 and CeCe Deville of Poison was out there still getting laid. AMAZING.

Overall, the boys put on an amazing show and I enjoyed it far more than I have enjoyed concerts by bands I actually thought I liked more than Jon and Richie.
WOW. One more for the history books.